Thursday March 22 - Waxing On About Brazilians

My name's Will and I'm a social alcoholic. It's been two months, 21 days and 17 hours since my last drink.

Had to knock back some more free booze today. Not knock back as in glug glug glug, obviously. Knock back as in politely refuse. Knock back as in 'Meh meh, meh meh meh'. Knock back as in 'no thanks, I've set myself a moronic challenge and I've come too far to turn back'.

Satan came to me this time in the form of a very nice PR woman, called Lisa. She invited me to a trendy restaurant called Meat, which serves a lot of, er, meat, for the launch party of the Brazilian beer, Brahma. Free food, free Brahma, samba dancers a-plenty and more beautiful Brazilians than the Metropolitan Police Firearms Unit could mow down in an entire morning of target practice.

Beef, beer and Brazilians. The holy trinity. And I had to turn it down.

Yes, I know I could have gone along and stayed sober. But I'm English, for heaven's sake. I'm uptight and repressed. It's bad enough being uptight and repressed in a room full of partying English people - who are themselves merely taking a temporary, alcohol-induced break from being uptight and repressed. But Brazilians? With their smiling and their dancing and their shaven havens waggling around? No, siree. Not on my watch.

It's a double shame I can't - or won't - go, because I've had a day off today. I'm not skiving. It's an official day off in lieu, as I'm working this weekend.

Working at weekends is by far the worst thing about my job. It does, however, have one saving grace: getting drunk on a week night.

There are few things able to generate such an inner-glow of smugness as sitting in a pub, getting slowly plastered, knowing that those around you will be nursing sore heads and dry tongues in the office tomorrow, while you lounge around at home in your pants.

Oh dear, got a morning appointment, have you? Yeah, me too. (With the Jeremy Kyle Show, you sucker!)

Sadly, that small ray of light has also been doused by this challenge.

Anyway, I still went to the pub last night. Penny Lane Wine Bar again. Had a pretty good time, as it goes. We spoke about the budget, which was yesterday. Gordon Brown announced that the price of a pint of beer will go up, yet again.

Surprise surprise. He always targets the drinkers. Probably because they are too drunk to notice. It doesn't really bother me, for obvious reasons. I listened pretty hard to see if he mentioned anything about hiking the price of soda and blackcurrant, but I don't think he did.

Not that that will stop the highwaymen who run the Penny Lane Wine Bar. Yes, it's still £1.50 for a pint of squash, and I'm still upset about it.

Anyway, it was nice to wake up this morning without the traditional day off hangover. My physical and mental freshness enabled me to spend the day watching cable TV, playing golf and preparing a sumptuous meal. (Bolognaise bap. Microwave yesterday's cold bolognaise for two minutes, pour into slightly stale roll, serve on a plate garnished with cheese Quavers, eat while watching Deal Or No Deal)

God, I can't believe I used to waste my life drinking. I was such a loser!!