Sunday December 30 - Please Drink Irresponsibly

My name's Will and I'm a social alcoholic. It's been 11 months, 29 days and 18 hours since my last drink.

30 HOURS TO GO!

Went round to Graham and Ali's house last night to play board games, and found myself craving a bottle of red wine.

Not to drink, you understand, but I could have used it as a handy club with which to repeatedly beat myself about the head until the pain had gone away.

Playing Trivial Pursuit can be a stressful business at the best of times. Playing it with seven people who are all at varying levels of intoxication (the only common factor being they were all more pissed than me) - and who, if we're being honest, had varying levels of interest in and understanding of the game itself - was an exhausting experience.

Don't get me wrong. I had a good night. But there's only so many times you can hear John asking "What colour are we again?", Jimmy hilariously giving out wrong answers, Gemma slurring at me to "stop patronising me" (I only asked her if she wanted a go at rolling the die) and Tam and Ali saying "why can't we just play Pictionary?" before you just want to cry.

And there was me thinking a cosy night of parlour games would be a nice easy way to stay off the booze. Thankfully, my gracious hosts had very kindly bought a load of booze-free Becks, which I used to kid my body that it was getting the anaesthetic it so richly deserved.

Watching my fellow players could have made me feel superior. They were all red faces, slurred words and inane banter. But in fact I envied them. I wanted to feel like they did - not like some sober wallflower who's only high that night would be winning Pictionary (albeit by quite some distance, I might add.)

It reminded me of a radio ad campaign for a new soft drink by Schweppes which has been played a lot over the last few days. The ad is a conversation between two pals who talk about staying sober in a manner normally reserved for tales of drunken debauchery.

So, annoying woman #1 says: "Oh my God, I can't believe how sober I was last night!"

Annoying woman #2 replies: "Yeah, I heard you on the karaoke. You didn't hit a wrong note all night!"

Annoying woman #1 says: "And do you remember how I gave everyone else a turn!"

And so it goes on. The message being that by drinking Schweppes' refreshing new beverage you won't wake up feeling embarrassed the morning after the night before. It's not the worst radio ad ever, but it seems to me they are missing the point about going out on the lash. Losing your inhibitions and acting like a prat is all part and parcel of the drinking experience. It is part of the fun, and more importantly you make an unspoken pact with all the other drinkers in the venue - whether that be the trendiest bar in town, or a night of board games round your mate's house. The deal is that they won't mind the fact that you acted like a drunken buffoon because - and here's the good part - they won't remember it. Because they were too wrapped up in their own world of drunken buffoonery to take a blind bit of notice.

The only sand in the ointment is jumped up little prigs like me who sit, smugly sipping on sour fruit juices, and remembering everything.

And for that - to all those who have kindly kept me company during this year of sobriety - I apologise.

Oh well. At least I won't be able to sit in sober judgement on any more of my friends making drunken fools of themselves this year.

Apart from all those coming to the Egyptian-themed murder mystery party round at my gaff tomorrow night. OK, I promise to stop judging people in 2008.